Breastfeeding

Breastfeeding was never a question with my cultural background. In my culture, it is not really a choice: you can either breastfeed and then you do it or you can not and then you bottle-feed. As simple as that.
A problem with this approach might be that women who can't breastfeed might feel bad about it. So imagine how I felt when I stopped breastfeeding after six month as a choice. I was at my breastfeeding best. I was over and done with the sleepless nights, with the marathon feeds, with my forever hungry baby. At last everything was perfect, supply and demand worked wonders. And then I stopped.

Why?

I wanted to have another child. Normally as breastfeeding gets less frequent and one's baby sleeps all night the woman's natural menstural cycle returns and conception is possible. However as we made the tough decision to have our children via PGD (Pre-Implantation Genetic Diagnosis) with IVF (In Vitro Fertilisation) we had to stick to this choice however extremely difficult it was. And one can only have treatment if breastfeeding stopped. After all we are trying to think of the long-term benefits, about our children's future. But it can be dreadfully hard at times. At times like this.

The funny side was, that people from playgroups and library groups actually envied me. Me? Really? They had problems stopping breastfeeding and were desperate to succeed. Some wanted (or had to) go back to work, some just wanted the freedom. For me, breastfeeding was freedom. I stepped out of my door with 2 spare nappies and that was it. Ok, maybe a change of baby clothes as well. But it all changed.
For a long while I had to be constantly ready and have enough milk powder and cooled boiled water with me just in case she gets hungry. Lucky that she since learned to eat and only has one bottle per day, but I wouldn't wish that period on any person. I was constantly making up bottles, I could never ever go to bed after putting Lily down as I had to make more bottles for next day.

Sadly our treatment failed. I planned to re-start breastfeeding (yes, it is possible) however I won't now as we still want to try again and there would be no point in starting and stopping again for one evening feed.