Everything is for a reason. Or not.

So far in my own life patterns fell into place. I still can't understand  though why people dye in wars, natural disasters etc.

But in my own life things seemed to happen for a reason. Until recently. Until I didn't get pregnant from our second attempt at IVF-PGD. I am not so sure anymore.Maybe I was over-confident. After all it was the second time ever in my life actually trying to conceive. Very few people fall pregnant on their first and second try. Or maybe it was for a reason. But what reason? I cannot see any reason for those poor little embryos not to get a chance. Maybe this pregnancy would have happened at a difficult time. But Puil and I are strong. We can cope. And we would have loved them.

I have been really lucky all my life. I started lucky: I was born as twin, I have a lifetime support and fun from my beloved sister. We were also fortunate to be born in the 20th century as we were born 2 month early and we needed modern technology to survive in those early days of our life.
I was also lucky to meet a wonderful man, one whom I adore, respect etc. and get all these back in return. We have so much fun together but he is also the one who can listen to my serious thoughts my fears even. I always beleived there is no such thing as "the one". I still beleive it. There are many "the ones" and I was lucky to meet one of them. Now I just have to be lucky not to meet any more. So far it worked. Since knowing him noone even compared to him.

This weekend I was really ill. So ill in fact, that I am convinced no poor embryo would have survived this high fever. Maybe that was the reason? But why did I fell ill? It was a result of a chain of events which would have happened differently were I pregnant. So I am still not sure.